I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
