I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
