How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
