apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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