she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
