singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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