Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
