just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
