So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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