first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
