TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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