last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
