Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
