Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
