i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
