I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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