Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
