Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't deserve a penis
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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