I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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