I'm lost and stupid without you.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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