I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
