but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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