I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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