Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Vodka?
Forever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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