You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You are a genius and a whore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
