I bet he comes in French.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
