On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
