Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
