no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
