i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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