I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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