I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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