Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
