So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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