Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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