Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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