These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
