I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All the doctor said was why
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
