Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
