she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After everything Iāve doneā¦ had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey gamesā¦. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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