he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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