i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
