watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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