IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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