there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
