About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
