question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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