umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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