This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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