somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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