porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
