I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
