McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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