would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
