He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize