u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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