New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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