It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
