i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
