I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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